'The Silver Linings Playbook Chapter 21\r'

'An Acceptable Form of Coping\r\nIn the cloud room, I pick the black lounger because I am opinioning a pocketable depressed. For a a few(prenominal) minutes I dont regulate anything. I am worried that pearl lead send me back to the bad place if I dissever him the truth, but I feel so guilty tantaliseting there †and then Im lecture at slump, spilling every(prenominal)thing in a wild malignment of sentences: the big Giants fan, the little Giants fan, my fistfight, the Eagles loss to the Giants, my father shattering the television screen, his bringing me the sports pages but refusing to speak with me, my pipe dream wellhead-nigh Nikki wearing a Giants jersey, Tiffany scaning â€Å" tail Nikki” but still fatalitying to run with me every day; and then Nikki teaching Sylvia Plath to defenseless teenagers, my snap The bell fluctuate in half, and Sylvia Plath sticking her address in an oven. â€Å"An oven?” I say. â€Å" wherefore would anyone stick t heir lintel in an oven?”\r\nThe release is powerful, and I assoil without delay that somewhere in the middle of my rant I had begun crying. When I finish speaking, I cover my face, because drop is my therapist, yes, but he is in any case a patch and an Eagles fan and maybe a friend in exchangeable manner.\r\nI start sobbing behind my transfer.\r\nAll is suave in the cloud room for a few minutes, and then free fall finally speaks, saying, â€Å"I dislike Giants fans. So arrogant, incessantly wanting to talk about L.T., who was nonhing but a dirty rotten cokehead. Two Super Bowls, yes, but XXV and blackjack were some time ago †more than than cardinal yrs move over passed. And we were there just ii years ago, right? Even if we did lose.”\r\nI am surprised.\r\nI was sure Cliff was going to ejaculate at me for workting the Giants fan, that he would again peril to send me back to the bad place, and his bringing up Lawrence Taylor seems so random t hat I lower my men and see that Cliff is standing, although he is so polished his head is not much higher than mine, thus far though I am sitting down. Also, I sort of consider he just implied that the Eagles were in the Super Bowl two years ago, which would obligate me very upset because I relieve oneself dead no memory of this, so I set about to forget what Cliff said about our police squad being in the big game.\r\nâ€Å"Dont you hate Giants fans?” he says to me. â€Å"Dont you just hate em? Come on now, tell the truth.”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah, I do,” I say. â€Å"A kettle of fish. So do my brother and father.”\r\nâ€Å"Why would this man wear a Giants jersey to an Eagles game?”\r\nâ€Å"I dont screw.”\r\nâ€Å"Did he not think he would be mocked?”\r\nI dont know what to say.\r\nâ€Å"Every year I see these unthinking Dallas and Giants and Redskins fans come into our house wearing their colors, and every year these same fans get manhandled by drunken Eagles fans. When entrust they learn?”\r\nI am too blow out of the water to speak.\r\nDoes this mean Cliff is a season-ticket holder? I wonder, but do not accept.\r\nâ€Å" no. nevertheless were you defending your brother, but you were defending your team too! Right?”\r\nI realize that I am nodding.\r\nCliff sits down. He pulls the lever, his footrest comes up, and I discern at the well-worn soles of his penny loafers.\r\nâ€Å"When I am sitting in this chair, I am your therapist. When I am not in this chair, I am a fellow Eagles fan. Understand?”\r\nI nod.\r\nâ€Å" forcefulness is not an acceptable solution. You did not have to tap that Giants fan.”\r\nI nod again. â€Å"I didnt want to hit him.”\r\nâ€Å"But you did.”\r\nI look down at my hands. My fingers argon all squirmy.\r\nâ€Å"What alternatives did you have?” he says.\r\nâ€Å"Alternatives?”\r\nâ€Å"What else could you have done, besid es hitting the Giants fan?”\r\nâ€Å"I didnt have time to think. He was pushing me, and he threw my brother down †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"What if he had been Kenny G?”\r\nI completion my eyes, buzz a unmarried note, and silently compute to ten, blanking my mind.\r\nâ€Å"Yes, the sing. Why not try that when you feel as though you are going to hit somebody? Where did you learn that technique?”\r\nIm a little thin-skinned at Cliff for bringing up Kenny G, which seems like a dirty trick, especially since he knows Mr. G is my biggest nemesis, but I remember that Cliff did not yell at me when I told him the truth, and I am thankful for that, so I say, â€Å"Nikki use to hum a single note whenever I anger her. She said she learned it in yoga class. And whenever she hummed, it would catch me complete guard. I would get really freaked out, because it is strange to sit next to mortal who is humming a single note with her eyes closed †and Nikki would keep humm ing that single note for such a eagle-eyed time. When she finally stopped, I would be grateful, and I also would be more aware of her displeasure and more receptive to her feelings, which is something I did not appreciate until youthfully.”\r\nâ€Å"So thats why you hum every time someone brings up Kenny †â€Å"\r\nI close my eyes, hum a single note, and silently count to ten, blanking my mind.\r\nWhen I finish, Cliff says, â€Å"It allows you to express your displeasure in a unique way, disarming those around you. Very interesting tactic. Why not use this in other areas of your intent? What if you had closed your eyes and hummed when the Giants fan pushed you?”\r\nI hadnt mentation of that.\r\nâ€Å"Do you think he would have keep to push you if you had closed your eyes and hummed?”\r\nProbably not, I think. The Giants fan would have judgement I was crazy, which is simply what I thought about Nikki when she first used the tactic on me.\r\nCliff s miles and nods at me when he reads my face.\r\nWe talk a little about Tiffany. He says it seems as though Tiffany has romantic feelings for me, and he claims she is nigh likely jealous of my love for Nikki, which I think is silly, especially since Tiffany never even talks to me and is always so aloof when we are together. Plus Tiffany is so beautiful, and I have not aged well at all.\r\nâ€Å"Shes just a weird woman,” I say in response.\r\nâ€Å"Arent they all?” Cliff replies, and we express feelingster some because women truly are catchy to count out sometimes.\r\nâ€Å"What about my dream? Me seeing Nikki in a Giants jersey? What do you think that convey?”\r\nâ€Å"What do you think it means?” Cliff asks, and when I shrug, he changes the subject.\r\nCliff says Sylvia Plaths work is very demoralize to read, and that his own daughter had recently suffered through The Bell Jar because she is taking an American literature melt at Eastern High School. \r\nâ€Å"And you didnt complain to presidentship?” I asked.\r\nâ€Å"About what?”\r\nâ€Å"About your daughter being forced to read such depressing stories.”\r\nâ€Å"No. Of course not. Why would I?”\r\nâ€Å"Because the novel teaches kids to be pessimistic. No hope at the end, no liquid lining. Teenagers should be taught that †â€Å"\r\nâ€Å"Life is hard, Pat, and children have to be told how hard life can be.”\r\nâ€Å"Why?”\r\nâ€Å"So they go away be sympathetic to others. So they will insure that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through ones mind.”\r\nI had not thought about this explanation, that reading books like The Bell Jar helped others understand what it was like to be Esther Greenwood. And I realize now that I have a lot of sympathy for Esther, and if she were a real person in my life, I woul d have tried to help her, scarce because I knew her thoughts well enough to understand she was not simply deranged, but suffering because her world had been so cruel to her and because she was depressed, due to the wild chemicals in her mind.\r\nâ€Å"So youre not mad at me?” I ask when I see Cliff look at his watch, which signifies our session is almost over.\r\nâ€Å"No. Not at all.”\r\nâ€Å"Really?” I ask, because I know Cliff is believably going to write all my recent failures down in a file as soon as I leave. That he probably thinks he has failed as my therapist †at least(prenominal) for this week.\r\nCliff stands, smiles at me, and then looks out the call for window at the sparrow washing in the stone birdbath.\r\nâ€Å"Before you leave, Pat, I want to say something very important to you. This is a matter of life and death. Are you listening to me? Because I really want you to remember this. Okay?”\r\nI start to manage because Cliff soun ds so serious, but I swallow, nod, and say, â€Å"Okay.”\r\nCliff turns.\r\nCliff faces me.\r\nHis face looks grave, and for a second, I am very nervous.\r\nBut then Cliff flip-flops his hands up in the air and yells â€Å"Ahhhhhhhhh!”\r\nI laugh because Cliff has tricked me with his funny joke. I immediately stand, throw my hands up in the air, and yell â€Å"Ahhhhhhhhh!”\r\nâ€Å"E!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!” we chant in unison, throwing our arms and legs out in an effort to represent each letter with our bodies, and I have to say †as stupid as it may sound †chanting with Cliff makes me feel a whole lot better. And judging by the smile on his little brown face, he knows the value of what he is doing for me.\r\n'